I left my marriage and became a divorce coach
“Nearly 70 per cent of divorces are initiated by women- women who are tired, fed up, exhausted, no longer in love. Women who are unhappy. Some of their breaking moments are quiet. Some are loud. They are simple and they are profound”
Photo by Ray Hennessy on Unsplash
I knew I couldn’t go back.
I’d sat down with my ex in hopes of explaining the concept of gaslighting. Then, gently, oh so gently, I was going to let him know that by constantly blaming our problems on me and my depression, and by stating over and over that I was “crazy” (direct quote), that isofacto wacto, that meant perhaps, just maybe, he might be gaslighting me. And could he pretty please try to stop?
His response…
“You’re crazy.”
I got up from the table, threw my favourite coffee cup into the sink (it broke- sad face), and ran Napoleon Dynamite–style to the bathroom, where I locked the door, lay on the cold tiles, and had a panic attack.
As I lay there, a loud howl from my insides, my hurting insides, told me: This is not the life you came here to live.
I didn’t leave immediately. But it was one of the moments that led to me packing up my things, renting a storage unit, and moving onto my best friend’s couch for a year.
One of the moments that began the long, messy, liberating process of leaving. Of getting the f*ck out of there.
Now, I help other women and people assigned female at birth do the same.
Hi!
I’m the witchy feminist divorce coach.
I blend the practical with the magical- the spreadsheets with the spells, the deep political analysis with the deeply personal healing work. I know that leaving a marriage is more than just lawyers/mediators and logistics. It’s about reclaiming your power from a system that was never designed for you to thrive in.
Marriage, as it exists for most, is built on structural inequality. It relies on invisible labor- the kind that doesn’t show up in paychecks but shapes every waking moment. As Kate Manne recently asserted in a post about the termmankeeping(where women are expected to be therapist, best friend, event planner, gift buyer, etc. etc.):
When we leave, we’re not just walking away from one person; we’re disentangling from centuries of conditioning that told us our worth is in how much we give.
Photo by Sixteen Miles Out on Unsplash
In this space, you’ll find essays on:
the mental load and why it’s political
the bullshit ideal of the “good wife”
the grief and freedom of divorce
how “romance” is a social construct
practical tools for rebuilding a life on your own terms
a little witchcraft for protection, letting go, clarity, and courage
I’ll tell stories- mine (if you don’t mind?), yours (if you want to share?)- the ones we’ve been taught not to say out loud. And I’ll name the systems that benefit from our silence.
You don’t have to believe in magic to be here, but you do have to believe in your right to a life that feels like yours.
If any of this stirs a little or a lot of somethin’ somethin’ in you, I’d love for you to stick around. Subscribe, read along, and maybe even share this with someone who needs to know they’re not alone.
Because leaving isn’t giving up. Seriously, it’s not! It’s choosing yourself. And that’s the most powerful spell I know.